The Eiger Sucktion

So, I was two hours into the basic cable showing of The Eiger Sanction when I realized, they still haven't climbed that goddamned mountain!  Two hours of idiotic Cold War spy shit set up about climbing a fucking mountain in order to kill...somebody...because of something...and still they haven't climbed it yet.

Why am I watching this again?

Clint Eastwood's character, "Hemlock" (Yes. Really.), fancies himself an art connoisseur, all around ladies man, and expert on just what women want.  Or need.  Or should glean from his world-weary experience. The younger they are the more insufferable he behaves.

Clint also directed this piece of crap, which explains how he was so woefully miscast.  I actually think Clint Eastwood is a great director, but this classic little nugget of a slumber fest is an example of the adage "just because you can cast yourself in your own film, doesn't mean you should." Okay, so that's just something I say, not really an adage.  But it should be.

At two hours and ten minutes into the basic cable showing of The Eiger Sanction, it occurred to me that in terms of movies that wasted my time and stole precious minutes from my life that would have been better spent in--honestly--almost any other way, The Eiger Sanction is really only second to Mortal Combat.  Actually, maybe not even second, because Mortal Combat was shorter.  And it did have a good theme song.  If you like techno.

Jemima Brown.  Dear. God.

I just can't with this.

Maybe it's Clint 70s feathered hair.

Also, as it turns out, it's not all that interesting to watch people climb a mountain.  Even the Eiger.